The Impossible Meltdown
Whether your child has ADHD, Autism, or is just more emotional and easily overwhelmed by nature, the intense and sudden emotional reactions that often appear to be out of proportion to the event can be very challenging to manage. The term for these reactions is “Emotional Flooding.” It’s a great term as it accurately describes what happens to a child’s brain when they are completely overwhelmed by emotion, not allowing their rational brain to work properly.
While some tantrums are easier to manage, others seem impossible. Parents often tell me they try to talk through, argue, criticize, blame, and even yell through the meltdown. Doing so will only intensify the meltdown. In addition, the typical strategies recommended, such as diffusing the situation, offering to comfort or talk through the problem often do not work and sometimes even worsen or prolong the flood. When a child is emotionally flooded, they may yell, tell you to leave them alone, scream, throw things, and/or hit. Over time, these meltdowns can also progress to the child expressing despair and self-pity, such as “No one loves me,” “Why am I even alive,” “Why does everything bad happens to me,” etc.
As a parent and a psychologist, I am well aware that these moments can leave a child feeling alone, scared, and unloved. They certainly feel this way in the moment, but will this transfer into their adulthood? Will they know that despite your best intentions, your hands were tied?
How can you communicate the message that they are loved and supported? How do you manage a child that you so desperately want to help, but who refuses your help?
1) Manage your own emotions. Remind yourself, “this will pass.” Stay present and calm.
2) Don’t leave! Be there and allow for the child to feel their emotions, but don’t try to jump in with action.
3) Come up with a plan to convey feelings of love, security, and care on the daily basis. Determine your child’s love language. You can take this short quiz to help: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/child-quiz/ Is it physical affection, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, a combination? Set daily goals to communicate to your child how loved they are. For example, playing a favorite game with your child at least once a day, giving at least 5 positive messages/affirmations each day, 5 daily hugs, etc.
Parenting can be challenging and daunting. If you need help navigating these challenges or considering psychological assessment to figure out the underlying cause, contact us for a consultation.